Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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