I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
