Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
