Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
