I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
