after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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