so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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