so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
