The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
