i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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