Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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