Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
