His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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