allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Non-Jews are for practice
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
