Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
