I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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