it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
