Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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