My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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