I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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