john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
