I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
