so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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