we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
