Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
