Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
