big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
