is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
