maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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