speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
