the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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