I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
