I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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