so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
