Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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