dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
