So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
