Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
