i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
