Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
