Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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