i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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