I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
