There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
