she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
