Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
