Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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