I hate your face
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
