so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
false alarm. still invincible.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
