So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
