Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
