i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
