Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
