Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
