I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
