Don't you send me to vm
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize