Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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