The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Please don't give away my fajitas
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