I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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