You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
