I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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