Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
