Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
third nipple confirmed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
