Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
