Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
