My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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