Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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