Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
