I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
