Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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