All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
