fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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