This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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