I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
