You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i out mim tonsoeep
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize