Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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